silva rerum

O no! it is an ever-​fixed mark

Have you ever wanted someone so much that it hurt – every inch of your body, every fiber of your exist­ence, aches and longs for this per­son? Upon wak­ing up, thought about how badly you need this per­son – how it feels like drown­ing in loneli­ness, suf­foc­at­ing in noth­ing­ness, to not be noticed, not have your feel­ings recip­roc­ated? Hands hov­er­ing nervously over the phone, con­sid­er­ing whether or not to dial and when you do, hanging up at the sound of, “Hello?” Felt your heart soar and per­form cartwheels in the blue skies above as you are acknow­ledged, just as you are? Hearing a song on the radio and all you can think of is whether or not you both would enjoy it? Sitting on the lawn at the end of the day, watch­ing the sun set, think­ing what it would be like if you weren’t alone?

Trying to write is like try­ing to force the entirety of human emo­tion through some­thing so small as the head of a needle. Bernoulli’s equa­tion doesn’t help very much in this case.