silva rerum

To thy high requiem become a sod

It’s 10:12 right now and the post-​Glee euphoria is already begin­ning to wear off. I don’t know what this bug is but it’s been in my sys­tem for at least the past few weeks. It’s like a per­sist­ent infec­tion. It feels like this ter­rible can­cer, wrap­ping its tendrils around my heart and suf­foc­at­ing any good feeling.

I sup­pose it must hap­pen some­time. That dreaded feel­ing – the one that makes you want to curl up and shrivel away into noth­ing. I used to ima­gine myself imper­vi­ous to such feel­ings. Such deep sym­pathy I felt for those going through this. “I am so sorry for you,” I would say. Now the deaf­en­ing silence sur­rounds, encloses, suffocates.

But I have so much for which to be thank­ful! It has always been my most earn­est asser­tion that I have had the most serendip­it­ous exper­i­ence with sur­round­ing myself with highly tal­en­ted, won­der­fully help­ful people. Even when I feel as if I’m in the most dire of situ­ations, I simply need to ask the right per­son for the right favour to get by. I’m so lucky that people have inher­ent goodness.

I hope I can shrug this off. I pride myself on emo­tional imper­turb­ab­il­ity. I have to find my centre again somehow.

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